Dear Siobhan: The Star, Tuesday July 1
I had 40 one-night stands
In the past year I went through more than 40 one-night stands and I deeply regret it.
I’m now with a gorgeous guy, who says he loves me, but I live in fear of him finding out about my past.
The whole of 2007 was a total nightmare for me. My granny died and then my parents announced their divorce.
I didn’t really care who I slept with, as long as I got the sleazy sex I craved. I’ve had some hairy experiences, too.
One moron tried to rob me, while another just wanted to slap me about for kicks.
But all that was then, and this is now. I’ve got a steady boyfriend and I’m happier than I have been in a very long time.
But many people know about my past – both friends and enemies alike.
Every time we go out, I’m terrified that someone is going to say the wrong then and land me in it.
Maybe I don’t’ deserve my guy great guy? I’d hate to drive him away with negative thoughts, but sometimes I just don’t’ know how to erase my shameful past.
What am I going to do?
Siobhan’s advice:
Time is a great healer. You’ll gradually forget about your past if you don’t dwell on it. Just bottle it away and deny everything if anyone confronts you with it. Just say “I don’t know what you’re on about,” no matter what evidence is brought up.
This is typical of the problems that end up on these pages. Personal weakness leads the individual to happily walk into a detrimental situation, and ends up look for some fool on the back pages of the red-tops. I’m not sure a dead granny and divorced parents is enough to turn you into the village/town/continent bike.
However, I don’t wish to attack this poor lass (I presume the writer is a girl, not that I’m suggesting a gay fella wouldn’t be to bothered about being such a cum-dumpster, unless I just did). She seems to have recognised she made a mistake and is trying to make it write. Which is why I’m jumping in here to plead with her to avoid making a bad situation worse by listening to awful ‘advice’, which I fear is unduly influence by her middle-class sweater-set in by-line picture.
Honey, the last thing you should do is bottle this down, and the second last is deny it blindly if anyone brings it up. Supposing a litany of people tell this wonderful guy what a tramp you are. You can only deny it so many times before you he realises you are not being honest. And if you follow Siobhan’s advice you are being dishonest, most importantly to yourself. You seem to fear you are not good enough for this apparent Adonis. Allow me to suggest that if he can’t handle your past he’s not good enough for you.
You’ve started off on the right path by accepting acknowledging your past failures, but now you need to finish what you started. The thing you fear the most is actually your greatest need. You’ve shown you can be honest with yourself. It’s time to be honest with your boyfriend.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I got into a relationship for a laugh and now I'm surprised it's not working out.
Daily Mirror, "Ask Miriam: Monday 9 2008
Joker leaves me in the lurch
When I was working as a holiday rep in France last summer, I meet my boyfriend. He's quite a character - zany and unpredictable - and I fell in love with him almost immediately.
He encouraged me to move from London to Manchester to be near him. I'm gradually settling in and making new friends but it annoys me that I often don't see him for days and he feels he doesn't have to tell me where he's been or been or what he's been doing. He's never once told me he loves me.
He's a popular guys and good fun to be with - when he's around. I fear I've made the wrong decision. What do you think?
Miriam's advice:
This relationship is obviously one sided. He may just want a buddy and you should find some who is as "hot for you as you are for him".
If you ask me:
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the reason he hasn't told you he loves you is that he doesn't. And why should he? You fell in love with him because he's "zany and unpredictable". Sorry, but that makes as much sense as me falling in love with my Six Feet Under DVD box-set. You jumped head-first into this because of your instant attraction to him. I guess that's understandable, but whatever it is it isn't love.
You complain that he goes off for days without telling you what he's up to. I'm going to go ahead here and assume that you're not a paedophile and he's an adult, in which case he's perfectly entitled to leave without telling you every little detail of his actions. Ok, it would be a bit weird for a husband or long-term boyfriend to take off like this, but sweetheart, that's far from how he sees this relationship.
Yes, as you ask, you made a mistake, and that you need an advice columnist to tell you this is a display of stunning immaturity. You seem to be old enough to live on your own, yet you can't tell the difference between a relationship and a fling that should have stayed in France. Dotty teenagers have more sense that you.
Ok, I shouldn't make it seem like you're entirely to blame here. Your boyfriend is clearly the type of fool who thinks a laugh and a skit with get him through life and everyone will continue to cheer him on because he's so unpredictable and zany (and what kind of person over 16 uses the word "zany" anyway?). Obviously he's wrong, and some day he's going to find that the joke has gotten old. In the meantime, I suggest you ask yourself this: who's the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him, to Manchester.
Joker leaves me in the lurch
When I was working as a holiday rep in France last summer, I meet my boyfriend. He's quite a character - zany and unpredictable - and I fell in love with him almost immediately.
He encouraged me to move from London to Manchester to be near him. I'm gradually settling in and making new friends but it annoys me that I often don't see him for days and he feels he doesn't have to tell me where he's been or been or what he's been doing. He's never once told me he loves me.
He's a popular guys and good fun to be with - when he's around. I fear I've made the wrong decision. What do you think?
Miriam's advice:
This relationship is obviously one sided. He may just want a buddy and you should find some who is as "hot for you as you are for him".
If you ask me:
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the reason he hasn't told you he loves you is that he doesn't. And why should he? You fell in love with him because he's "zany and unpredictable". Sorry, but that makes as much sense as me falling in love with my Six Feet Under DVD box-set. You jumped head-first into this because of your instant attraction to him. I guess that's understandable, but whatever it is it isn't love.
You complain that he goes off for days without telling you what he's up to. I'm going to go ahead here and assume that you're not a paedophile and he's an adult, in which case he's perfectly entitled to leave without telling you every little detail of his actions. Ok, it would be a bit weird for a husband or long-term boyfriend to take off like this, but sweetheart, that's far from how he sees this relationship.
Yes, as you ask, you made a mistake, and that you need an advice columnist to tell you this is a display of stunning immaturity. You seem to be old enough to live on your own, yet you can't tell the difference between a relationship and a fling that should have stayed in France. Dotty teenagers have more sense that you.
Ok, I shouldn't make it seem like you're entirely to blame here. Your boyfriend is clearly the type of fool who thinks a laugh and a skit with get him through life and everyone will continue to cheer him on because he's so unpredictable and zany (and what kind of person over 16 uses the word "zany" anyway?). Obviously he's wrong, and some day he's going to find that the joke has gotten old. In the meantime, I suggest you ask yourself this: who's the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him, to Manchester.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Why doesn't she love me as much as I do?
Column: Aunt Sally (
My jealousy is ruining our friendship
When we first met, she was in a long-term relationship that was seriously flawed. We rapidly became very close. The sex was incredible, which neither of us had experienced before, but it felt as if she was having two relationships at once. She tried to break up with her boyfriend, but was reluctant to hurt him or leave the comfort and security. Everyone told me to give up, but our time together was so amazing that I tried to be patient. After weeks of wonderful, intimate sex – and terrible pain – my patience ran out. We promised to remain best of friends. She has since ended things with her boyfriend and is starting a new relationship, which makes me hugely jealous. We speak almost every day and, while I think it would be better to speak less, I miss her and enjoy her company so much, I can’t go through with it. She says she misses me too, and thinks about me loads, but is trying to get over me, as she is moving university soon. How do I get over her?
My jealousy is ruining our friendship
When we first met, she was in a long-term relationship that was seriously flawed. We rapidly became very close. The sex was incredible, which neither of us had experienced before, but it felt as if she was having two relationships at once. She tried to break up with her boyfriend, but was reluctant to hurt him or leave the comfort and security. Everyone told me to give up, but our time together was so amazing that I tried to be patient. After weeks of wonderful, intimate sex – and terrible pain – my patience ran out. We promised to remain best of friends. She has since ended things with her boyfriend and is starting a new relationship, which makes me hugely jealous. We speak almost every day and, while I think it would be better to speak less, I miss her and enjoy her company so much, I can’t go through with it. She says she misses me too, and thinks about me loads, but is trying to get over me, as she is moving university soon. How do I get over her?
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