I got into a relationship for a laugh and now I'm surprised it's not working out.

Daily Mirror, "Ask Miriam: Monday 9 2008

Joker leaves me in the lurch

When I was working as a holiday rep in France last summer, I meet my boyfriend. He's quite a character - zany and unpredictable - and I fell in love with him almost immediately.
He encouraged me to move from London to Manchester to be near him. I'm gradually settling in and making new friends but it annoys me that I often don't see him for days and he feels he doesn't have to tell me where he's been or been or what he's been doing. He's never once told me he loves me.
He's a popular guys and good fun to be with - when he's around. I fear I've made the wrong decision. What do you think?

Miriam's advice:
This relationship is obviously one sided. He may just want a buddy and you should find some who is as "hot for you as you are for him".

If you ask me:
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but the reason he hasn't told you he loves you is that he doesn't. And why should he? You fell in love with him because he's "zany and unpredictable". Sorry, but that makes as much sense as me falling in love with my Six Feet Under DVD box-set. You jumped head-first into this because of your instant attraction to him. I guess that's understandable, but whatever it is it isn't love.
You complain that he goes off for days without telling you what he's up to. I'm going to go ahead here and assume that you're not a paedophile and he's an adult, in which case he's perfectly entitled to leave without telling you every little detail of his actions. Ok, it would be a bit weird for a husband or long-term boyfriend to take off like this, but sweetheart, that's far from how he sees this relationship.
Yes, as you ask, you made a mistake, and that you need an advice columnist to tell you this is a display of stunning immaturity. You seem to be old enough to live on your own, yet you can't tell the difference between a relationship and a fling that should have stayed in France. Dotty teenagers have more sense that you.
Ok, I shouldn't make it seem like you're entirely to blame here. Your boyfriend is clearly the type of fool who thinks a laugh and a skit with get him through life and everyone will continue to cheer him on because he's so unpredictable and zany (and what kind of person over 16 uses the word "zany" anyway?). Obviously he's wrong, and some day he's going to find that the joke has gotten old. In the meantime, I suggest you ask yourself this: who's the bigger fool, the fool or the fool who follows him, to Manchester.